Harmonious Independence | Guest Post from Colin Wright

Editor’s Note: This is a guest post by Colin Wright of Exile Lifestyle.

It’s said that if you want a relationship to succeed — to last — you have to make sacrifices.

I strongly disagree.

It’s important to bend when dealing with other people on any level, sure, but that doesn’t mean you should break. If you have to give up what’s important to you in order to be with someone else, it’s very possible you’re with the wrong person. This applies to business relationships, friendships, and more-than-friendships equally. Why on earth would you want to give up what makes you, you, in order to be with someone? And why would you want anyone else to do the same?

There’s a phrase I use to describe what I look for in relationships: harmonious independence. It means that you are you, with or without anyone else. You are complete.

At the same time, your independent spirit plays well with others. You don’t expect anyone else to give up what makes them happy in order to be in your life, nor would you want them to expect it of you. Instead, you support each other in all things. Their personality traits, goals, idiosyncrasies, and other relationships are the reason you want them in your life.

Each of you being whole, independent people is what makes the relationship worthwhile in the first place. You have your own lives, but you meet in the middle because you want to. Your completeness supports their completeness and allows you to become an even better version of yourself in the exchange. As a result, you can be tied as loosely or closely as makes sense for your situation — in either case, you contribute to each other’s lives in a positive way.

"A relationship worth having does not require you to be anyone 
but the best possible version of yourself."

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Colin Wright is an author, entrepreneur, and full-time traveler and his readers decide where he will go next every 4 months. Know more about Colin here.

MSSN

Simplicity and Minimalism. It means keeping what’s important and removing the rest. I truly believe in this and follow people like Joshua Becker, Leo Babauta, Courtney Carver who also write about the same.

Recently I launched an MSSN (short for Minimal & Simplified Social Networking) Clean-Up mission in which I removed 100+ friends from my facebook account. I unfriended people:

• who were inactive for most of these years
• who were not that important
• whose presence didn't matter much
• whose updates I didn't necessarily need to know
• who sent me virtual invitations
• who shared crap
• whom I didn't actually liked/loved
• who were not creative
• who were not productive
• who were not making an impact on my life

Really. What would I do by knowing what the hell others are doing with their lives – what they are eating, where they are at, check their ridiculous photos (which I won’t personally like from heart so I won’t be able to honestly appreciate it) and that too especially from those who didn't matter much? Instead why not focus on my own life and try making the best of it? Makes sense, sounds considerable and seems the right thing to do. Isn't it?

But you may ask what its benefits are. These are the few advantages of MSSN:

• Mindful Space: After I accomplished my mission, I found more mindful space across my social network – surrounded by more like-minded, creative, energetic, curious people. And my decision didn't bother those I deleted at the first place. They either never got to know or even if they did, they didn't mind/care and never messaged me back asking why.
• More Time: Earlier I used to devote waste my time on updates from people I cared less about, who didn't add much into how I am, what I am, what I can learn and what I can become. Now, I have more time for the things I love to do for the unnecessary stream of information is gone. I have more time to invest on myself and spend with my loved ones. I saved more than half an hour each day!
• Peace of Mind: Now I can care less about stuff that I don’t need or want to see in my news feed that could distract me from my goals and affect my life in any manner (mentally or emotionally).
• Increased Productivity: I can redirect more of my extra time, energy and resources (freed from those who were stealing it gradually) to something real and good. All this has indeed contributed to my productivity, even if a little.
• Abundant Energy: Things that are not necessary consume a lot of your energy. And they sucked mine too. With energy, money is complemented. I had to pay electricity bill, internet bill for checking things which didn't matter or which I didn't want! That might be a minute loss if considered comparatively. Still, money saved is money earned.
• Meaningful Relationships: I strictly do not add people I don’t know outside facebook however in few cases exceptions are made. Obviously there is a fixed place for family members, friends and co-workers. But, at the end of the day it’s about making genuine connections – honest ones. It’s about keeping what is important, what is necessary. And wiping out the rest.

I am not completely anti with the huge presence of social networks on the internet today. In fact, apart from spoiling your time and sucking your valuable energy and resources, social networking sites are still great tools to be in touch with each other – your relatives, friends, co-workers. They can be a platform where you or your business can grow, if you let them.

And am sure few of you reading this must have already cleaned up your list, some thought of it and many never did. It’s time.

Shadows

We live under the shadows. Because it’s cozy there. We can lie lazy there for hours and procrastinate work (doesn't matter personal or professional, important or insignificant, big or small) most of time. We put things off for the later, reschedule agendas and push to-dos ahead in the calendar that we should be attending or doing right now.

Shadows keep you away from achieving what you have always dreamed of, what’s in your to-do list, what you can become, what you can serve and the change you deserve. We read a lot of help books. We search for how-tos. We say we have put our efforts. But we know that’s not enough.

"Easy never lead to an easy and happy life. Difficulties do."

And it’s not that we are afraid to work - sometimes we are only afraid to take the first step. For we fear. We fear what would happen (what lies in the future). We fear failure and from all that comes worries. A lot of worries. And then Bang! We put all that our mind, hands, legs and muscles have created up till this moment in a nearby black trash bin.  Next second, we again lay there in a 36 x 75 well cushioned – fascinating about a brighter, more successful and happier life.

But the real thing has always been outside the shadows. It’s under the Sun – where you move, sweat and work. When you mind-boggle a lot, generate ideas and work upon them. That’s where the light is. You just got to move your ass out of your comfort zone to get things done, to achieve the biggest and become the happiest. There is no other way to it.

Image: Rajiv Kumar Solanki/Follow him on Flickr!

Well Done Is Better Than Well Read | Actions Matters The Most

I love reading what Chris sends to me over mail. He writes about productivity, motivation, success, being brave, willpower, habits, decision making, social media marketing, digital business and a lot more. He has a way of telling impactful stories full of insights and experiences. And whatever he says, you will always find it helpful in some way or the other.

One thing to notice in his mails/blog posts is that they are very personal. In one of his recent newsletters on “action” he wrote, “I have the supreme pleasure and delight of watching people learn. More accurately, I watch how people respond to learning. But what I’m most excited about when observing everyone is the difference between readers and do-ers.”

"Transformation Comes From Action"

“You and I can read all we want. We can “collect ideas” all we want. Until we give it a go, we won’t know how it “really” works.”

He gave it a try and did his first ever HIIT workout (High Intensity Interval Training) – “For instance, I’d read about it for a while, and it sounded ouchy. Do something really intensely for 30 seconds, for instance, and then rest 1 minute. Repeat for about 30 minutes. From all I read about it, I worried that I couldn’t do it.”

“When I gave it a shot, I learned rather quickly how it works. I can explain to you what I learned, but until you try it, you’ll have knowledge but not experience.”

In his experience, information is not enough. Information with references or extra resources helps more in comprehending the matter. Whereas, actionable information has the most impact on our thought process which asks to take action instead of just reading and thinking.

Well, it’s simple and makes sense. What if I read about something that I want to do; say, learn cooking and I don’t take any action on it? What if I don’t practice what I have read - go to the kitchen and make a food item or two? Only reading and thinking of cooking a great recipe won’t make me learn cooking in real.

To my experience as well, to understand things in a better way, we need to put our knowledge to work. And by taking action we have a deeper understanding of how things work. Eventually, if you really want to learn something, action becomes more important than just reading. You have to step out of your comfort zone and act, if you really want to achieve what you desire.

No doubt, reading teaches us a lot. It gives us the knowledge. But it doesn’t give you the insights of self-explored experimental learning process. It is only by doing that you will learn the real thing and gain valuable experience. For that, you got to not just read and think but also beat procrastination, clear distractions and start doing. Today.

So, when you are finished reading this post, go take action and do whatever you want to learn to do!

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Chris Brogan is CEO and president of Human Business Works. Chris aims at helping professionals work better, do the work they want, and to be brave while building a strong, sustainable, relationship-minded business. He helps businesses grow and believes in delivering great value to his customers/clients. He is also a consultant and frequent keynote speaker. His clients include Google, Microsoft, Dell, Sony, Panasonic, GM, Coca-Cola, Pepsico and many more. Besides that, Chris is the New York Times bestselling author of The Impact Equation and Trust Agents. Read more about Chris here.

Fear

We all fear something. We encounter something fearful everyday. And fear limits the way our lives are meant to be lived: fearfully.

How can one ask a farmer not to expect when he has worked too hard for the surplus? How can one ask a student not to hope for good grades if he has studied well all semester? How can one ask a investor not to expect decent return? With hope and expectations, comes fear. Fear is natural. It's inevitable.

"Fear is nothing but the product of thoughts we create."

Everybody has their own version of fear and hence definition of fear differs with demographics. A seven year old may fear spiders, a 18 year old teen may have a stage fear or an adult working in an MNC may have fear of career failure.

Out of all, these are the most profound fears we have:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of losing someone or something
• Fear of not-being-good-enough
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of missing out (FOMO)
• Fear of what lies in the future
• Fear of uncertainity

But, you have total control over your mind and thoughts. Nobody else other than you define the things you fear. Your fears have the power to hold you back from doing what you love, what matters most to you, what is important to you, what you desire to do, what you have been putting off for days, weeks or even years. It eventually stops you from living and enjoying your life to the optimum as you should be by stealing your peace and happiness.

Whatever your fear may be, you can either authorize these self-created-fears-of-yours stop you from living your life to the fullest or you can take on them one by one and live a more bold and braver life cherishing every moment. I recommend going with the latter one.

What should you do?

• Be strong: You have to be strong. It is a must. There is no other way to this. There cannot be a should. You have to say to yourself repeatedly all day long out loud, "I can do this. I must do it. I will not fear you." I do this all the time and vouch for this as it is extremely helpful in any situation you can imagine of. Trust me.
• Make a list of the things you fear: I made my own and named it as "Black Chart". Start with the small things you fear like spider or heights or darkness and then step down to the big ones. Highlight the important fears which you think need the most of your efforts to be put upon.
• Face them - one at a time: Take on the fears from your things-you-fear list one by one. Start with small fears. Work on them. Analyze why you have that fear. Ask yourself if you really need to be afraid of it. Is that thing a necessity for your happy living? Mostly the answer will be a negative. For example, if you have fear you might miss out on important notifications or news feed if you don't log in to your facebook account try asking yourself if you really need to check shitty updates from people whom you don't know or people who don't care about you. Does it really matter what are they doing with their lives? Instead why not focus on your life and try making the best of it. You yourself create and decide your life priorities, goals and needs. You can make or break any of it any second. It's all up in the mind. Move on to next step if the answer is otherwise.
• Suppress them and move on: This is the "action" step. If you don't execute this, you will always fear your fears. Once identified try to fight your fears. Suppress them. Simply say, "I will not fear you!" For the above case, you can limit your logins into facebook. Say no to shitty updates and unnecessary distractions for a more fearless and happier life. You will not die. I didn't. In fact I reduced my social networking footprints and am still alive, writing this post! And to be very frank, you have no reason to be afraid of anything. You can also seek help from your family members, friends, peers or even me!
• Do things you have been putting off til now: Time to do things you have been not doing because of the fears you had. Fears that have been holding you back.
• Shatter every boundary: You know no limits. No boundaries. It's just you and your fears. No one in between. And in the end it will only be you living a more braver and happier life.
• Claim things which are rightfully yours: Haven't got what you deserved? What you thought should be yours? Success, Love, Fame, Money, Happiness. You name it. And your fears always stopped you? Huh! Kick them out.
• Achieve the goals you have been setting offside: Had a long list to-dos which you haven't struck out? Wanted to start a learning class? But didn't do because you feared that you won't get enough admissions. Wanted to pass an interview? But feared rejection. It is time now.
• Make your dreams come true which you have been wishing for: Don't just dream. Get out and make them come true. You have nothing to fear about.

Go, grab things. Especially those you fear the most in the first place. Think how wonderful your life would be if you didn't fear what you do. Once you overcome one of your fears, you will be more confident than before in everything that you do afterwards. You will start to feel this energy of accomplishment; the energy you get after overcoming an obstacle. Cherish that feeling. Hold it for it will compel you to achieve the unachievable. And go for the next in the-things-you-fear list.

Let me know what you fear and how you overcame it.

Who Moved My Cheese | Book Review

Who Moved My Cheese? What? Is that even a book’s name! I looked at the cover and I said to myself, “NO I am not going to read this book at all! Why do I read a book with such a peculiar title! NEVER!” But, I did the opposite. Yes! I got my hands on its pages when I heard, “Read it!” my Dad and Brother exclaimed, “It’s a nice book.” So there I was, turning pages; trying to figure out what really is in there that everybody was talking about. They say it will help you anticipate changes, adapt to them and enjoy it. And so did the back cover presented with a phrase like this: Written for all ages, this story takes less than an hour to read, but its insights can last for a lifetime. In a nutshell, the book is all about getting adaptable to changes smartly.

In fact, when I decided to read the book, I was to judge how come a parable can teach you to deal with the changes you go by in your daily life. Even the critics do not understand how so many people could find it so valuable. However, if you google the reviews about Who Moved My Cheese? you can see by yourself people reporting that what they discovered in this story has improved their businesses, health, marriages and hence their social life! “The cheese story has found its way into homes, companies, schools, sports teams and almost everywhere. Its appeal is universal.” I was not going to believe it until I read it word by word.

Finally, even to my amazement, the book stood by its reviews and feedback. One really feels the change after finishing it. I did. It’s like having a new set of wear glasses on and watch opportunities, changes and life with a new perspective. The moment you are halfway reaching the last page, you will feel very light hearted as if now you know where you did the mistake. I can bet you will start associating main characters, points, with your real life situations. You will be able to recognize from your past the moments when you denied the change or accepted and moved on. You will now try more to accept the change as it arrives. And the fact you will also like it, is for the enticing illustrative images of the main lessons you ought to seek from the book along with Kenneth Blanchard, co-author of one of the other books by Dr. Spencer, The One Minute Manager, telling you the story behind the Cheese story.

Although the story is short; it is very simple revolving around four characters Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw who live in a maze and look for cheese. The Cheese in the story refers to what we want to have in life. It can be anything. Be it a job, a relationship, money, house, freedom or whatever. Each of us carries our own version of cheese and pursue because we believe it makes us happy. And the Maze represents where you spend time looking for what you want. It can be an organization, the community, etc. The spicy thing in the story is how different character reacts to the loss of their Cheese in their own way. The two mice Sniff and Scurry move on with the change as their Cheese moved/changed. Other two, Hem and Haw were Littlepeople with complex brain and emotions thought too much about the change, the reason behind it and they got so much attached to it that Hem denied the change and suffered. Then you come to know how overcoming your fear for changes can open doors for the new ones. And that’s the soul of the story. The story and language used is simple, but insightful. Dr. Spencer Johnson has himself admitted that there is nothing in the story but the way readers interpret and apply it to their own situation that gives value which will help them to move with the Cheese and find New Cheese.

So, go read this book. I don’t care whether you buy it or download a pdf version, just read it. I don’t think a book which has been the #1 bestselling business books ever since its release, selling over 24 million copies isn’t worth even a read! I am telling you again, it will change the way you behave. It will change the way you see things. It will get you ready, giving you strength to stand up the difficult changes in your life. It will tell you how to accept few changes even its hard to and move on for the better. Go. Read. It.